The Adventures of Jorge

 The Adventures of Jorge

We met Jorge, our little Colombian friend,in Leticia.

Jorge was good fun - always up for a laugh, and generous with the beers. Rare was the night Jorge was not to be found propping up the bar at Hoppies, six beautiful butterflies draped on his arms.

But Jorge wasn´t satisfied with his life of partying. Whilst the girls and the drugs were great, he was invariably left with a sense of loneliness and emptiness, and deep within his soul he longed for something else.  Besides, the hangovers were getting worse.

Jorge made his decision. He was going to move to Peru, to a small island on the Amazon, and start a small business providing massages and holistic medicine to the locals. 

 

But how was he to fund this long and dangerous voyage?  Jorge had spent all of his inheritance on fast cars and hamburgers! Fortunately he was a brilliant mathematician, and developed a series of fiendishly complicated coin games with which to scam unsuspecting tourists.

In no time at all Jorge had made over a million Pesos - more than enough for his ticket, with some left over to spend on massage oil and crystals. He headed down to the travel agents that very afternoon and booked his ticket.

Early the next day, Jorge made his way down to the docks to wait for his boat.

The journey started well, and Jorge was thrilled to be out of Leticia, making a clean break. All thoughts of drinking and partying banished from his head, he gazed at the banks of the mighty river, breathed deeply the fresh Peruvian air, and thanked God he was alive.

Before long though, the winds rose, and licked up a terrible swell on the water. The boat heaved mightily from side to side, bags and children crashing down the aisles. Jorge hung on for dear life.

But the Gods were smiling on Jorge, and finally he arrived in Iquitos, his journey complete.  He knew he shouldn´t, but it had been a long, hard voyage, and he was overcome by an insatiable thirst for a cold, crisp beer. Against his better judgement he stopped off in a local bar, and before he knew it he was on his third.

Since he was only a little grasshopper, and the beers in Peru are very big, Jorge was pretty pissed. He knew he had to stop, so he headed back to his hotel to rest his tired head and prepare himself for the tasks of tomorrow - finding a shop to rent and learning ayurvedic massage.

 

Unfortuntely for Jorge he was so far gone that he failed safely to cross the road, and was killed by a bus.

RIP Jorge.

Jorge had been an atheist his whole life, so he was not a little surprised when he arrived in the dark blackness of hell, faced with the booming voice of the devil asking him questions about his life of frivolity.

Jorge was unrepentant, and argued strongly that booze and girls had been FUN, godamit, and that if there was one thing an omnibenevolent God should encourage his creations to do it would be to have FUN. The devil was not impressed.

Luckily, just then Jesus arrived, challenged the devil to an armwrestle for Jorge´s soul, and won.

Jesus took Jorge up to heaven and explained that while he had been full of shit with his arguments about God and fun, God was absolutely mad for ayurvedic massage and so had forgiven Jorge all his sins.  Jorge was installed forethwith as chief masseuse and lived for eternity in bliss.

God was subsequently disapointed to learn that Jorge hadn´t actually got round to learning any massage techniques prior to his untimely death, and was further saddened by the realisation that, as a grasshopper, he really couldn´t exert very much pressure on God´s weary shoulder muscles.

God is still sore.

THE END